See You On the Other Side

The extreme nesting has started. Despite previously professing my dislike of babies, I am a woman possessed by the need to finger small hats and little booties. I open his drawers, where Charley and I have washed and folded everything, several times a day to imagine the small person that will fill these outfits. A second kid, especially of the same sex has a very distinct position to fill with those outfits. His clothes are a mixture of the memories of Charley as a baby, each one still strong in my mind, and a few new things I have purchased, mostly little neon socks and hats. (Where do all those baby socks disappear to?) I want him to look like Charley and be his own little guy all at the same time. I seem to be much more curious this time what he will look like and how big he will be. The first time around, all babies seemed about the same size to me. I thought it was a bit silly putting their weights on announcements, did it really matter? Now, as a second time mom, I know there is a HUGE difference between a 6 pound baby and a 9 pound one. (And what that means for your labor). I also know how different they can all look. It feels a bit like I’ll be crossing the great divide soon. Maybe I will be wiser, but probably just more tired looking. (Good thing I invested in new mascara). I’m hoping one day I will be wiser, that I will look at their sibling relationship and see insight into my own. I hope that I will learn things about Charley I didn’t even realize through his sibling. And I imagine ‘baby brother’ will continue to teach me things where Charley left off. It will be a dance. I already look at my friends with only one kid and think, ‘Huh, that looks easy’. And my friend who recently had her second daughter with a similar age difference seems completely overwhelmed. I will agree that an adjustment from none to one is the toughest to get through, but adding a second seems like adding to the juggling act. A special kind of chaos is apparent in those houses with several children. They are a little bit messier and a little bit louder. We will be one of those houses soon, and I will see you all on the other side.